Unexpected Complications
by Syrus
Summary: Doctor McCoy never had it easy when it came to relationships, so he wasn't much surprised when his relationships on the Enterprise started getting completely out of hand.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

"Doctor...what is the purpose of your visit?" Spock's voice was entirely too soft and inviting and, as of late, it drove McCoy wild.

"You know damn well what it is, Spock. Don't play dumb with me." the doctor growled, stepping up to the other quickly.

McCoy wasn't sure what he wanted and from the look on Spock's face, the other seemed just as unsure.

The doctor ran an uncertain hand through his hair and he said, "I really don't know just what this is, Spock. I wish I did, but I don't."

"I am feeling a similar sense of confusion on the nature of our relationship, given recent events." Spock agreed.

Bones would have thought this to be a momentous occasion, with Spock actually agreeing with him for once, but his almost overwhelming confusion over the situation and attraction to the other causing him to push that thought aside for the time being.

Letting out a frustrated chuckle, he said, "I thought...it was Jim I wanted, but..."

With an almost sigh, Spock completed, "...but your affections had a much different recipient then can logically expected."

McCoy shivered slightly as he considered the strength of his emotions for Spock and he said in a low tone, "I think too hard about everything, and for once I don't want to think. I just want..."

He trailed off as he got even closer to the other and looked longingly at Spock's lips. Spock himself hadn't engaged much in flirtatious activities in the past, but he wasn't obtuse. He could get the doctor's meaning, though illogical and irrational, perfectly clearly.

And, in this case, he decided he was willing to indulge him. Spock put a hesitant hand on the other's face, realizing then that things were so much harder when he wasn't caught up in a moment.

Bones' eyes then filled with desire and just a bit of desperation and he softly said, "Spock, I need this...I haven't been with anyone since my divorce. I want you to...to..."

He couldn't bring himself to say to the other what he needed, his face reddening from how pathetic he was sure he sounded already.

"Tell me..." Spock commanded quietly, his eyes beginning to show his desire as well.

"I...haven't kissed another person since Karen. I haven't gotten to feel another's skin under my lips or gotten to run my tongue over it to take in their taste." McCoy's voice kept getting lower and rougher and his accent thicker as he continued to speak, eyeing Spock lustfully, "I haven't gotten to feel someone's hot body under my fingertips as I touch them everywhere I can reach."

McCoy felt his heart racing out of control and he took a gulp to calm himself, with little avail. His voice cracked as he kept speaking, "I need you...I haven't fucked anyone for years, and no matter how many times I try to take care of myself...my need...oh god, it can't be quenched by self stimulation."

Bones was trying to remind himself to breathe, but all he could do was look at Spock as his arousal and desperation grew.

Spock's eyes centered in on McCoy's crotch and he growled softly, "Leonard...please allow me to witness at least part your process in giving yourself the much needed relief."

Bones couldn't help but moan, never having heard Spock call him by his first name before. His burning eyes met Spock's and he slowly opened his pants and pushed them down far enough to ease himself out. He wrapped his hand around his cock and gasped at how sensitive he felt today.

He supposed that was because someone was watching him do this, which had never happened before. This also was definitely nothing like being alone either, even if it was his familiar hand that was touching him. He had a feeling that there was much more to come, and thoughts of this made him move his hand over himself in slow and long strokes as he quickly lost his breath.

Spock didn't move, his eyes the only thing alight with his desire, and he watched McCoy intently. He didn't move to touch or disturb the other, just content to watch for the time being, completely mesmerized by the movement of the doctor's hand over his stiff and weeping cock and the pained expressions that kept flitting over the other's face.

The only real sign of Spock enjoying the proceedings was the sight of his arousal making a progressively bigger tent in his pants. McCoy took this sight in, moaning as he quickened the pace of his hand. He didn't want to come too soon, but at the same time, he couldn't seem to come fast enough, the other's presence there turning him on more than he could remember being in a long while.

"Spock…please…please touch me…" McCoy finally begged, his hand now jerking more erratically over his cock, his voice sounding downright raw and desperate.

Spock seemed to finally be ready to participate, as his hand shot out to still McCoy's hand on his twitching cock, and this caused the doctor to suck in a surprised and frustrated breath, at getting so close to orgasm and then being forced to stop.

Then Spock paired his index and middle fingers together and began to run them over McCoy's hands and softly and teasingly over his cock to make the doctor gasp and moan at the first intimate contact he'd felt with someone else in so long.

Spock also seemed similarly affected by the contact, though this response was far better controlled by the half Vulcan than the doctor. Spock began to urge the doctor to take his clothes off, since he'd already begun the process, and he similarly divested himself of his clothes.

When nothing could come between them, Spock finally gave in and locked McCoy in almost a savage kiss. The doctor responded in kind, his hands moving roughly and greedily over the half Vulcan's body, all the sexual frustration he'd felt over the years bursting forth suddenly.

Spock was enjoying this thoroughly, never having experience sex with the intensity of this interaction with McCoy before, his past sexual experienced limited to the few times he had shared with Lieutenant Uhura.

The times with her had been pleasant enough, but they didn't awaken the kind of fire within him that he felt here. He never felt such a pure form of need from her, and never felt it within himself. He would satisfy the both of them this night, that was for certain.

Since Spock was the only one between them with enough presence of mind to move their activities over to his bed, he did so, pulling the doctor's naked body flush over his own, and he growled, "Leonard…do with me as you will…for tonight I will deny you nothing."

When McCoy heard those words from Spock, it caused a deep, almost primal sort of growl from the back of his throat, and he squeezed his eyes shut as they rolled to the back of his head at the thought. He thought he was desperate before, but hearing Spock give him total control intensified the feeling infinitely.

Then he locked Spock in another violent kiss and he resumed his greedy caresses, finally moving a hand down to firmly stroke the First Officer's cock and balls. Feeling Spock arching under that attention, he focused his hand on the other's cock as he then moved his mouth down to the other's neck to lick and bite.

He wanted to mark him, to leave physical proof of their encounter, since all of this seemed too insane to be true. Just earlier that day they were arguing over yet another stupid thing they disagreed on. McCoy never dreamed that in that very evening, they'd be fucking wildly on Spock's bed.

_What would Jim think if he saw us like this right now?_ McCoy almost chuckled at the thought.

McCoy's thoughts scattered when he felt Spock's hands roughly grab his hips and suddenly tug forward, causing their arousals to rub together, the friction wrenching a deep groan from the doctor's throat. McCoy couldn't stop himself from rutting against the other, burying his face in the juncture between Spock's neck and shoulders, and just breathing in deep.

But McCoy could feel himself quickly getting close to losing it, and he didn't want it to just be this. He wanted more, so with great difficulty, his muscles straining, his cock twitching, he stopped and begged, "Spock, let me fuck you, please let me be inside you."

"Yes…" was all the other said, distancing himself from the doctor for a moment while he opened a drawer in his bedside table and fished something out.

Spock put it into McCoy's hands and the doctor realized that it was a tube of lubrication. Well, he knew now that he could never fault Spock for being unprepared for anything, and he set himself to rubbing a liberal amount of it on his straining cock as he looked at the other lustfully.

Spock's face and body were unnaturally flushed, and seeing the usually cold and composed Vulcan like this made McCoy close his eyes and moan shamelessly as he rubbed himself some more. Before he lost himself like this, he stopped rubbing and growled lightly, "Spock…get on your hands and knees."

Spock just raised one of those sexy eyebrows at him and he quickly complied, and it seemed to McCoy that the other did not want to draw things out either. The doctor then used the lube that was still on his fingers to begin preparing the other, groaning as he felt Spock's insides clamping down on his preparing fingers.

"Leonard, please…" Spock finally breathed, "I am ready."

The doctor was beyond waiting at this point, so he quickly removed his fingers from the other and then positioned himself to enter Spock quickly. He thrust all the way in, both of their bodies quaking under the force of the movement.

McCoy hugged around the other's extremely hot body as he began to move, his fingers running through the soft dusting of hair on the other's chest. He'd never slept with a male before, but this was so much more intoxicating than any woman he'd ever slept with, including his ex wife.

As good as this was feeling, it had indeed been too long since McCoy had achieved release with another person, so, with his thrusts getting harder and erratic, his orgasm finally came, and it completely blew his mind. He held tightly to Spock as he emptied himself within him, and he dimly noted the other reaching up to quickly rub himself to orgasm as well.

After he finished coming, a post orgasmic lethargy set in as all his strength seeped out of his bones and he depended on Spock to hold the both of them up. Spock finally moved the soiled bed cover and shifted them both so that they could lay down.

McCoy didn't want to think about anything, though he realized that their relationship was now forever changed. For the time being, he was content to just cuddle closely to the other's comforting warmth and sleep. He decided they could talk in the morning.

* * * 


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

McCoy made a soft sigh as he began to wake the next morning, cuddling into the warmth that he felt next to him, almost wishing that he wouldn't wake up so that he could experience this warmth a little longer.

Then it all rushed back to him what had happened the night before. His eyes flew open and he sat up frantically in the bed as he gasped. He thought the last night was just a dream. He definitely was no stranger to erotic dreams, given his forced abstinence, but this obviously was no dream.

There was the half Vulcan First Officer of the ship beginning to stir next to him in the bed, and he had to admit, that even when his brain wasn't completely addled with lust, that the other was beautiful in a way he didn't know he appreciated.

Lean, muscular body, some hair on his chest that trailed down to…well, he wouldn't go there right then. But now, he didn't know what exactly was going on the between the two of them. He never thought that he'd find himself in such a position with Spock of all people, but here he was.

When those dark eyes finally opened and met with his, he felt another pulse straight to his groin. Who knew that he'd have a thing for naked Vulcans looking at him with the most attractive bedroom hair he could imagine? He wished he knew if Spock was having a similar confusion as him over the situation, but he never could tell much from those impenetrable eyes.

Finally, McCoy couldn't take that stare from the other anymore, and he cleared his throat uncomfortably and said, "Spock…I, uhh…I don't know what we've got going here, but…"

He trailed off, not sure what he was trying to say, other than to try to start a discussion at the obvious situation now between them.

Finally, the doctor noted just a little bit of hesitation in the other's face, and Spock replied slowly, "I am uncertain as to what has culminated between us as a result of our sexual relations."

McCoy didn't exactly want to ask the next part, since it just might serve to make things more awkward between them if they weren't on the same page, but he couldn't stand the suspense.

"So, uhh, would you like to find out?" McCoy said, looking away from those deep brown eyes, trying to gather himself and stop sounding like a bumbling teenager.

Spock seemed to consider his proposition very carefully and he replied, "I have never been involved with someone like you, Doctor."

McCoy could tell that the other was completely serious, and that his words were definitely not meant as a jab or insult, but that still left things uncertain between the two of them, and McCoy could just chuckle dryly at that fact.

"Likewise."

Spock raised an eyebrow at the chuckle, but he didn't say anything else about it. McCoy suddenly felt self conscious as he sat naked next to the other, so he got out of the bed and began to dress, not knowing what else to do to ease out of the awkwardness that had pervaded the room between them.

Spock just watched McCoy dress for a few moments, when he finally spoke in some hesitation, "I would not be adverse to exploring what is now between us, Leonard."

McCoy then looked at the other in surprise. He supposed this was as close to an answer he could expect at this point in time, and deep down, he felt a tiny pulse of hope that maybe finally, _finally_ he would not be alone anymore.

He then nodded at Spock and replied, "Okay."

When he was fully dressed, he fidgeted slightly. He wasn't sure what to do in this situation, but he figured that it'd be best if he just went back to his own quarters to think about stuff a while, and sort through his feelings for Spock and for Jim to make sense of it all.

Spock also seemed just as hesitant in his movements, so he finally just took a page out of Jim's book in going with his impulses and moved toward Spock again, leaning downward to place a small kiss on the other's lips in a promise for more in the future, to add some weight to his words.

But when he pulled back from the kiss, he felt like fidgeting again. And usually when he felt this nervous, he just talked to fill the awkward silence.

"So, uhh…on the weekend…you wanna do something? You know, just…talk, get to know each other. That kind of thing." McCoy said, looking at the floor, wondering again at how this whole experience was making him relive his high school experiences in asking out the girl he liked for the first time.

Spock just nodded with that serious look on his face and said in the most even tone possible, "That sounds acceptable."

"So, Saturday, 19:00 hours okay for you?"

"Yes. I will keep this time period open for our activities." Spock agreed again.

McCoy wondered if he'd ever found Spock this agreeable before. It was all so strange for him to get used to.

"Okay, I guess I'll see you on shift." McCoy said, beginning to make his way out of the room when he made sure he'd retrieved all his articles of clothing.

"I will see you then, Doctor."

McCoy then left Spock's room, wondering just what he'd gotten himself into.

* * *

The week progressed slowly and McCoy tried his best to act his usual grumpy, irritable self, especially around Spock, but he couldn't quite manage it, a tiny spring finding itself in his step that wasn't there before.

Damn Vulcan throwing him off of his regular groove. Was he actually looking forward to spending time with the hobgoblin? Well, possibly _his_ hobgoblin...Naturally, Jim noticed his unusual mood and called him out on it. He definitely should have seen it coming. That was one reason he liked the kid...he was so observant, he could easily notice changes where everyone else would overlook them.

"Wow, Bones...you actually seem to be in an almost not annoyed mood today. Not planning to hypo me with something new and untested, are you?" Kirk asked, giving him an amused smirk, only half joking, as he knew that he was capable of it if he was in a bad enough mood, now having dropped by sickbay to visit him near the end of their shifts.

Letting out a sigh, he couldn't muster up his usual irritation at such a comment and just said, "No, Jim...I have better things to do than sit and catalogue everything that causes you an allergic reaction."

Kirk just chuckled in response, and then said, "So drinks at your quarters, 20:00 hours?"

McCoy knew that usually when they drank, he found himself saying things he wish he kept to himself more often than not, so he feebly tried saying, "I'm busy."

Then Kirk spoke as if McCoy didn't say anything, and said with a slap on his back, "See you then!"

McCoy just shook his head and knew that Jim never was going to change.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

In the evening, McCoy waited for Kirk to show up, and he was nervous. What was there to be nervous about anyway? They'd done this a million times before, and it used to be a nice way to unwind with his friend. The friend of his that he would _not_ admit that he held a flame for through most of the time he spent at the Academy. Never. They were just close, that's all.

But now that something was happening with Spock, he still wasn't sure how he felt toward Jim. They'd been friends all this time, so he supposed that it wouldn't hurt to just leave things the way they always were. No problem…nothing to worry about. Before he could worry about it any more, his door slid open and in walked Jim.

Of course. The guy had no respect for privacy, except for when it suited him, so naturally he used his Captain's override of the door lock, and just gave him a teasing smirk when he walked up to him and said, "So, break out the stuff, Bones. No need to wait."

McCoy rolled his eyes and then brought out the glasses and bottle of bourbon he usually saved for these occasions out and poured them each one. He handed one glass to Kirk and their fingers brushed. He certainly didn't feel a small shiver in his hand go down his spine, because that would be ridiculous to feel just because you've casually touched your friend.

Kirk then made himself comfortable in the chair across from Bones and knocked his drink back. McCoy also drank, but at a much slower pace, but he didn't know what to talk about this time. Kirk made the decision easy, suddenly speaking after knocking yet another glass back.

"So, Bones…you been going out with anyone lately?" Kirk asked, giving him a curious look as he poured himself a third glass.

It took a lot of his will power to resist the urge to blush at the question, and he stuck to replying in irritation, "I don't have time to date, Jim. I'm too busy fixing you up all the time."

"Oh, come on, Bones…not even one date?" Kirk chuckled at his friend's words, but he ignored them as he usually did.

"Jim." his voice took that warning tone he usually saved specifically for Kirk when he wanted the other to drop a subject.

Kirk then laughed and McCoy couldn't help the warmth that went through him at the sound. Completely ridiculous.

"Fine. I guess I haven't had much time for dating either. You know, too busy Captaining and saving the galaxy and all." Kirk said in humor, finally finishing his third glass.

McCoy just gave the other a half smile in response and said, "Yeah, your captaining days would have long been over if it weren't for me."

"Yeah, yeah. When you're not hypoing me in the neck strictly for enjoyment, I guess you're a good doctor." Kirk said, making a mock disgruntled face, but then breaking into laughter again.

McCoy rolled his eyes again and replied, "That would be an enjoyment that I wish I could partake in more, believe me."

Then a silence settled between the two of them, and Bones noticed that the other's face seemed to go a little serious. Usually Kirk's emotions were worn out on his sleeve, but now, the doctor wasn't sure what to make of this. When the other finally met eyes with him again, there wasn't a trace of a smirk or a smug look, the smile just tugging at the other's lips honest and vulnerable, and the look in the other's eyes hopeful.

The doctor's jaded heart found a way to skip a beat at the sight, and he breathed, "Jim…"

Kirk scooted his chair closer to McCoy's until they were but an arm's length away from each other, and then the other spoke softly, "Bones…I've never really told you how much its meant to me to always have your support, so, umm…thank you."

McCoy's heart was now beating up to his throat as the other reached toward his hand and shyly brushed their fingers together. This wasn't…they couldn't…Jim…wanted him? His mind was in absolute turmoil now. He thought he was in trouble after all that happened with Spock…but now this?

His broken thoughts were abruptly cut off as Jim came to a swift decision, getting out of his own chair and leaning over his own, leaning down to join their lips in a sweet, relatively chaste kiss.

When Kirk pulled back to gauge his reaction, he sputtered softly, "J-Jim, we shouldn't — "

"Shh, Bones…" Kirk gently silenced him, pulling McCoy up from his chair to kiss him again, his kiss getting a little more passionate as he ran his hands into the doctor's hair.

For a few moments, McCoy couldn't think. This felt so good, he was in heaven. When Kirk finally broke their kiss for a tiny breath, McCoy's mind suddenly rushed back and he held the other still, panting softly and trying to gather his thoughts enough to speak.

Kirk looked at him questioningly at stopping their activities, and he quickly spoke before Kirk could feel rejected, "Jim…I…I don't…I need to think. Please."

McCoy's eyes pleaded with the other, and it would be easy for Kirk to see the battle waging there as the doctor argued with himself.

Kirk then let out a sigh and stepped back from him, then giving him an understanding smile, "I get it. Yeah…yeah, I can wait."

McCoy let out a breath of relief and then half smiled in return.

"I'll just…I guess I'll see you on shift tomorrow, then." Kirk moved away from him hesitantly.

"Yeah, I'll see you tomorrow." McCoy quickly said, trying to pull himself back together.

Kirk then gave him a nod and then left his quarters. McCoy collapsed back into the chair he was sitting in while the other was there, and he let out a deep sigh of frustration. The universe had to have some sort of vendetta against him, because this was just ludicrous.

He still wanted Jim, he knew it the second the other kissed him. He wanted him, and there was no more denying it since the possibility for something to happen between them had been revealed now. But, where did that leave his feelings for Spock? He wanted him too, and with what happened between them…he was ready to try with him.

He never thought he'd reach the point with Spock that he did, and now he definitely didn't want to give that up…didn't want to give Spock up. He couldn't break the other's heart after all that he'd already lost, assuming the pointy-eared hobgoblin felt anything like that for him, but he couldn't dash the possibility before he knew the truth.

He wanted them both…but…wouldn't he have to choose? He ran a frustrated hand through his hair. He couldn't have the cake and eat it too. But…

He shook his head. Maybe he needed some sleep. Maybe that would help.

But…well, fuck.

* * *


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Now McCoy was put in quite a spot. Should he tell Spock what had happened between he and Jim? Did he and Spock even have a kind of relationship where these sort of things had to be talked about? Should he have mentioned to Jim what had happened between he and Spock? Maybe he didn't have to say anything to anyone at all, though that would hardly solve any of his problems.

He paced around, thinking about all this stuff before his date with the hobgoblin. A _date_? Is that what he had with Spock? He ran a hand through his hair. He couldn't afford to be nervous on top of this confusion he was experiencing, otherwise he'd be a wreck. He hadn't dated anyone since his wife, so it definitely wasn't a stretch to call him a little rusty at this.

What did someone do on a date on a star ship? But more importantly, what did someone do on a date with _Spock_? That question was far more stumping than the first since he was sure that the other didn't like to drink, and certainly considered most other things people did for fun a waste of time. Vulcans...what the fuck persuaded him to want to date someone of the greatest fun sucking species in the universe?

Letting out a sigh, he decided it was a little late for questions like that one, and now he just had to make the best use of the time they were spending together. He'd mentioned wanting to get to know Spock, but he was scared that maybe they'd find out they had nothing other in common than the attraction between them. Deep down, he was a little scared that Spock might change his mind about him and decide that this whole idea of something between them was silly and illogical.

McCoy shook his head. No, the two of them were going to meet in his quarters in just a few minutes, and he wasn't even sure Spock would like what he'd planned. He just hoped that this wouldn't end up crashing and burning like a train wreck. He was unable to continue thoughts down this line though, as his door suddenly buzzed, startling him slightly. Realizing it was Spock, he quickly let him in. Of course the hobgoblin would be right on time.

When Spock was inside, and was just looking at him expectantly, McCoy startled to babble slightly, "So, uhh…I thought we could just have some dinner, and then maybe spend some time at the observation deck? I haven't really visited it much in the past, but I thought it might be something nice to do, if you want to."

Spock considered the plan for a moment and then nodded, "This plan sounds agreeable."

McCoy almost smiled, glad that his ideas for this date didn't seem to be bombing at the time being, but he'd get the final verdict after they tried the activities. All of this dating stuff was really Jim's expertise, not his. Jim…really, he shouldn't think about him while he was on a date with someone else, so he pushed their Captain out of his mind for the time being.

He just led Spock over to a seat at the small table McCoy had prepared for them to sit at to eat, and then he said, "Well, for dinner, I checked what you usually eat everyday, and I made a selection for you based on that. I hope that's okay."

Spock saw that McCoy had a bowl of plomeek soup out for him. His lips twitched upward. It was his favorite.

"Thank you, doctor. This dish…it is very much to my liking."

McCoy gave a hesitant smile at hearing that, and he took a seat in front of the other, saying, "Glad to hear it."

He began eating his own meal, and the two of them ate for a while in almost complete silence, both of them seemingly too nervous to come up with any conversation. And just what was he supposed to bring up to talk about with Spock anyway? He doubted the other was much interested in ship gossip, and he still wasn't quite sure what both of them had in common.

Then, at one point, McCoy noticed Spock glancing over his shoulder, so he turned slightly to see what he was looking at, and then the other asked, "Who is the child in the photograph?"

McCoy then turned his body and snagged it off the shelf it was on and then a fond, yet melancholy smile came to his face as he took in the scene of him laughing and hugging a little girl, and he said, "This is my baby girl, Joanna. She's only four in this picture, but she's about eight right now."

The smile then melted off his face as he put the frame back in its place and he looked at Spock again. The other was studying his face very closely, but he wasn't saying anything. McCoy had to say that he really felt like a scientific specimen under that heavy gaze, but he let it go, not wanting to feel so fidgety over it.

He spoke some more about her to Spock, not getting the chance to open up much about his personal life to others, "I haven't seen her since the divorce though. My ex seems to want to keep her away from me. I'd fight for partial custody, but with our mission taking us so far off from Earth for such extended periods, it would be best to fight the court battles after we return."

Spock seemed to digest this information with as placid a face as ever, but when McCoy looked closely, he could just see the tiniest furrow in the other's brow.

"I am sorry you have been kept from your child for such a long period. She appears to be…nice."

"Yeah, thanks." McCoy said, a sad smile touching his lips, "I'll see her again, I'll make sure of it."

Spock nodded, but said nothing more on the subject. When the two of them finished dinner, McCoy stood up and then led the way to the observation deck. On arriving, he was glad to see that no one else was there. It would have been rather awkward if anyone else was there, and he definitely would have felt obligated in explaining his presence there, with Spock, no less. Most people thought that he and Spock definitely didn't get along. How wrong they were.

McCoy took a seat on one of the benches and waited for the other to join him. He was surprised at how close the other sat to him and it caused a shiver to go up his spine.

"The Andelian nebula is quite visible to us right now, as is the Bellyric cluster. Both are said to be some of the more marvelous sights to be afforded to passers by in this quadrant." Spock said evenly as he looked out at the stars.

McCoy then spoke in mock irritation, and said, "I didn't come here for a lecture, Spock."

Spock hesitated awkwardly, and said, "I am just accustomed to informing who I come with here of what I know of the sights, as I do not come here much on my own just to observe."

The doctor just chuckled and replied, "First time for everything."

"Yes, perhaps." Spock agreed softly, looking out at the stars.

They just sat silently for a few minutes, enjoying each other's closeness and company. Then, McCoy glanced over at Spock and reached a nervous hand over to brush his. The other seemed to softly shiver when their hands touched, meeting eyes with McCoy as he shifted his hand to hold the doctor's gently with his.

This had to be some strange dream. He and Spock never had been able to spend more then a few moments in each other's company without fighting or taunting or egging each other on, though in the recent times, much of the bite had left their tones and they both did it most of the time for appearances sake in a wry kind of humor. But this...this was in a whole new ballpark.

Could they both really handle each other like this? And there of course was the deal with Jim to worry about as well. He pushed that out of his mind for the time being though. It had been far too long since he'd felt like this with another person, so he'd savor this as long as he could. He was a little afraid that this wouldn't last since he thought his ex-wife was his love of his life, but she had left him because he supposedly didn't pay her enough attention at the end of things.

That, and she probably didn't know that he knew about that other man. Who knows how long the two of them were together before they split? He shook his head. What was with him remembering all his troubles when he was trying to have a nice date with someone else?

Of course, Spock noticed this and he finally softly asked, "Is something troubling you, Leonard?"

McCoy just gave Spock a half smile and replied, "Naw...just trying to put some things behind me."

"I see. I am willing to provide you with a 'listening ear,' if you are willing to speak on the matter." Spock said with some awkwardness, still obviously getting used to expressing concern and other heavy emotions.

McCoy really appreciated that, knowing how hard it was for the other to do, and the fact that Spock was trying for him.

His smile grew fractionally, and McCoy said, "I just have to deal with these things on my own, but I'll definitely keep this in mind."

To underline his words, he softly squeezed Spock's hand, shifting their fingers so that they could be interlaced. Spock closed his eyes for a moment and McCoy easily felt the hand in his shiver, and it caused him to meet Spock's eyes with an intense look when the other opened his.

McCoy couldn't help but lean a little closer to the other, wanting to get a nice and up close view of that face, finding everything about it breathtaking. His wife never even made him feel like that at the height of their relationship, and that was saying something.

"Leonard…please allow me to show you something." Spock breathed to him, and just hearing that soft and vulnerable tone made him sure that he'd have agreed to anything that Spock said in that tone at this point.

He nodded and waited for what Spock had in mind. The half Vulcan brought his pointer and middle fingers together on his right hand and curled the rest of his fingers away so that those two fingers were held out in a strange kind of way. McCoy studied this motion for a moment, wondering what it meant, when Spock encouraged him to do the same with his hand.

When McCoy did it, he felt a little strange about it, but before he could think about it too long, Spock ran those two fingers across his softly, all the way up and down. The doctor couldn't help but shiver at the action, not really because it was stimulating enough to cause that sort of reaction in him, but because of the reaction it was obviously causing in Spock to touch him in this seemingly innocent and deliberate way.

After Spock ran his two fingers all over his, the other's breath hitched quite obviously, being a near gasp, and there might have been a light tremble that was transferred to his own hand through their contact. Since Spock obviously found this strange act to be enjoyable, McCoy tried his best to emulate it, softly repeating Spock's action with his own fingers.

Now that caused a more extreme reaction in the other, who then sucked in a hurried breath and closed his eyes again under the stimulation, the other's fingers then curling slightly against his. Finally, when McCoy had his fill of experimenting with this, whatever it was, Spock spoke in a breathy tone.

"This is how Vulcans kiss and show affection in public."

"Wow, really?" McCoy replied softly in surprise.

If that was true…did the two of them just engage in a little make out session as far as Vulcans were concerned? What a strange idea that was when they were doing something considered even more tame than a hug in human culture.

"Yes." Spock said with a nod, his lips upturned just slightly, though his face was tinged with the slightest bit of green.

Then McCoy thought back to when they slept together and vaguely remembered Spock rubbing his cock like this when the other had first touched him. His face flushed as he realized that Spock had given him a little head and he hadn't even known it.

McCoy knew then that he definitely wanted more, and that they definitely wouldn't be able to get away with the kind of human affection he had in mind on the Observation deck.

"You wanna…go back to my quarters?" McCoy asked, suddenly feeling shy since he didn't want to seem too forward.

The whole thing was extremely ironic since they'd already slept together, but McCoy felt it anyway. The doctor let out a sigh of relief when Spock nodded.

With a tiny smirk, he then led the way back to his quarters quickly, not wanting to waste an extra second.

* * *


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

McCoy decided that he could get used to this feeling of satisfaction he felt after sleeping with Spock and then waking up next to him in the warmth of the other's arms. He wasn't alone. He hummed softly and dared to snuggle closer to Spock. Later, he'd definitely blame his sappy behavior on being half asleep, but now, he couldn't get enough.

McCoy felt the other beginning to stir as well, and he couldn't help but give Spock a half smile as he spoke with the roughness of sleep still in his voice, "Mornin'."

Spock didn't smile back, but the look on his face was absolutely serene as he replied calmly, "Good morning, Leonard."

Damn that hobgoblin and his ability to still look perfectly attractive after waking up. McCoy decided that his only recourse was to capture those irresistible lips with his own so he wouldn't have to look at the other and feel stupid about his own ugly bed hair. He ran a hand into the other's silky hair as Spock easily accepted his kiss, unable to resist deepening it almost immediately.

Just how had Spock so quickly captured all of his senses and attention? McCoy scooted a little closer to press himself against the warm body and placed a hand on Spock's chest. He was still getting used to this whole sleeping with a man thing, but this Vulcan snagged him with no hope for escape at this point.

He'd always thought Vulcans were the most unemotional species, but Spock proved him wrong time and time again. Well, that wasn't important to think about at the present time. Right at that second, all the doctor was concerned with was getting on top of the other to begin kissing him senseless, hoping for perhaps a little quickie in the morning before they had to go on shift. He really felt like he couldn't get enough sex now that he was able to get it on what looked like would be a regular basis.

But the thoughts of the quickie were rapidly wiped from his mind when the ship suddenly shook, and seconds later, the ship went into red alert with the alarms blazing and the lights flashing. McCoy and Spock exchanged a shocked look and then quickly began to get dressed, knowing that now they had to throw themselves into work with the ship suddenly being in danger.

When he barely got his pants on, and was beginning to work on his shirt as his comm started to go off incessantly.

He quickly hit the audio switch and grumbled in reply, "McCoy here."

"Bones, get yourself to the ready room, we have a situation here!" Kirk spoke quickly and seriously.

"Right away."

If McCoy had time to think, he might be impressed at the seamless way Kirk changed from an immature charmer to a commander whenever disaster rolled around. Now, all he could do was concentrate on getting dressed and to the ready room.

"And Spock's with you, isn't he? I tried contacting him in his room first, but when he didn't answer, I just had the ship locate him." McCoy could hear the question in the other's voice, but he chose to ignore that right then.

"We'll be there, Jim."

McCoy then met eyes with Spock, who was now miraculously fully and perfectly dressed, damn that Vulcan, and he saw the other raising an eyebrow at him.

Kirk then paused thoughtfully and said in part humor and part disbelief, "Were the two of you hanging out or something? And just why wasn't I invited?"

Alright, so Kirk made an _almost_ responsible captain when under stress. At Kirk's current comment, McCoy just rolled his eyes and said, "McCoy out."

With that, he hung up the comm and moved to the door of his quarters. A look of understanding passed between he and Spock and quickly the both of them moved toward the ready room.

On stepping inside, he could see that the rest of the bridge crew was waiting for them, and both McCoy and Spock took their usual seats around the table and waited for Kirk to inform them of exactly what was going on.

"Alright everyone, we need to act quickly. Starfleet Command sent us the order to investigate the dealings of a particular Federation diplomat on the planet of Mesarthim Prime. This diplomat has been thought to be taking valuable food resource from the main population on the planet, the Vidi, under some false pretenses.

We're not sure why, but on achieving orbit in the planet atmosphere, the people fired on us. Luckily there have been no casualties, and we're trying to stay out of range of their weapons for the time being. I've decided that I must beam down with a security team to negotiate a cease fire with them, and then we can find out exactly what this idiot diplomat has done to get them this mad at us."

"Sir, please allow me to beam down with you." Spock said, always liking to beam down with Kirk in dangerous missions such as these, but to everyone's surprise, Kirk just shook his head.

"No, Spock…in this situation, I want you to keep the Enterprise out of trouble. You're one of the few people I trust her with, so please take care of her, will you?" Kirk said with a smirk.

Spock didn't look like he completely agreed, but he nodded, not questioning Kirk's order. Then Kirk turned to McCoy and said, "Bones, I need you to come down with me too, in case those people have injured the diplomat in some way. I have a feeling that this is going to be a rough ride."

With that, Kirk chose who would be beaming down with the two of them on security, and he had time to pick up all the necessary emergency and medical equipment they might need, the away team made their way quickly to the transporter room. McCoy never was a fan of beaming down places, but he knew that there was no alternative, especially in dire circumstances such as these.

As each of them stood on their respective pads, Kirk glanced over to McCoy and slapped him lightly on the arm, and said with a wink, "These things are perfectly safe you know."

McCoy just shook his head and opted to ignore him, just saying, "Let's just beam down and get this over with."

Kirk just chuckled and said, "Scotty, you heard the good doctor. Let's get down there."

"Aye, sir." Scotty said, looking rather amused at this exchange between the two of them.

Scotty entered the coordinates and McCoy held his breath as he felt himself begin to dematerialize. It always made him feel as though his stomach would drop straight out of him, but he knew that he just had to bear this. No goddamn choice.

He found that they'd been beamed down outside of the stronghold the Vidi had in the mountains, and immediately he could feel the cold mountain air biting his face. McCoy tried to ignore that as the whole away team tried to stay close together as they approached the entrance to the place.

"Alright." Kirk said, getting everyone's attention before they got up to the door, "We have to be ready for anything, and more than likely what we're going to face isn't going to be pretty. I want everyone to stay calm and not be hostile if it can be helped. We really don't want to make things worse than they are."

Before he could knock on the door, McCoy tapped on his shoulder and spoke in worry, "I don't like this, Jim. Why haven't they sent anyone out to intercept us by now? We're obviously walking into a trap."

Kirk gave him a wry smile in response, "I know, but what choice do we have? Sometimes you just have to take the bull by his horns."

He didn't give McCoy much of a chance to reply, just moving forward to knock. The moment that the door flew open, the away team found itself in a flurry of activity. It was obvious that the Vidi didn't want to talk as they were greeted with phaser fire.

Kirk began to yell orders to the team to find cover and to return fire when they got a chance, but it was very obvious that they were outmanned and outgunned. They'd be lucky to get out of this situation alive.

McCoy just tried to stay behind cover as the phaser fight progressed, not really much of a threat with a weapon or hand to hand combat. He was a doctor, damn it, not a guerrilla fighter! They were barely an hour into this fight, and half the security team was already lost. They knew that they should cut their losses and try to get out of there, but none of them could be off their guard even for a moment to call up to the ship to be beamed out.

Kirk finally called to the remaining security person, and McCoy, and told them that they needed to try to make a run for it higher into the mountains, since it was less likely for the Vidi to follow them there, due to the extreme cold. McCoy knew that they'd all be shivering right now if it wasn't for all the adrenaline flowing even at the altitude they currently were at. He definitely wasn't looking forward to this, but he knew that that was the only way they had a chance for survival. 

They got an opening to make a break for it with a few lucky shots by Kirk, and they decided that they had to take it without a second's waste. The Vidi seemed to realize their plan, and seemed dead set on making sure there weren't any survivors since they began to chase them. The last security man with them didn't have a chance as he'd made the mistake of turning his back on the Vidi too long as they began to flee.

It didn't help that on their escape path up the mountain, it had begun to snow quite heavily, and McCoy and Kirk couldn't see much of anything. When they long stopped hearing themselves being pursued, McCoy did a quick check with his tricorder to make sure they just weren't hiding and waiting for the both of them to let down their guard.

On determining that the both of them were safe from the Vidi, McCoy couldn't stop his teeth from chattering and his body from shivering. The temperature was far below an acceptable temperature for humans, and with the snow falling, the doctor was sure that the temperature was steadily dropping. They had to find shelter if they planned not to go into hypothermic shock before they could be beamed up.

"Bones…" Kirk spoke through his strong shivers, his arms wrapped tightly around himself, "I think there's some sort of cave we can find shelter in."

McCoy looked ahead of them and found a small cavern in the mountain. As they trudged toward it, he grumbled, "With our luck, there's going to be some sort of creature waiting in there to eat us."

Even with all the cold, Kirk found a way to laugh as he replied, "You're ever the optimist." 

When they got inside the small cave, luckily it was empty, and it provided them with at least a minute reprieve from the cold wind and the snow. When they pulled a rock to the center of the cave and used a phaser to heat it up so that it would provide them with warmth, Kirk whipped out his communicator to try to get back in touch with the Enterprise.

"Kirk to Enterprise. We need to get out of here! Do you copy?"

"Capt…blizz…cannot beam…have…wait…" The return communication from Spock was completely muffled and broken, but still the message was clear. They would have to wait for the storm to clear before they could hope to beam up.

The both of them then tried to huddle close to the rock as the temperature continued to drop with the coming of night on the planet. McCoy began to worry, as all they had was a flimsy blanket that came in the emergency kit that he was carrying with him. They definitely wouldn't be able to survive in subzero temperatures in just their thin uniforms with that blanket.

"Let's hope that they can beam us up before we become a couple of popsicles, hmm?" Kirk said, giving McCoy a weak smile as he tried to huddle closer to the heated rock for some additional heat.

Of course that wasn't going to be enough for long.

"I think we'd end up with hypothermia and pneumonia before we turn into popsicles." McCoy grumbled back in his regular fashion, knowing that Kirk was trying to keep things light to keep the stress off of them, but he wasn't sure how long he'd be able to play along.

Kirk's teeth chattered loudly as he chuckled in response, "Aren't you just a ray of sunshine."

"Just get me my unicorn and then we can fly over the rainbow together too." McCoy gritted back sarcastically, huddling his knees closer to his chest as he also scooted closer to the heated rock.

The two of them tried to chat idly as they waited out the storm, but soon the temperature dropped to a point that talking got to be difficult.

"W-we sh-should roll out the s-sleeping bag." Kirk said, almost huddled into the fetal position by the rock.

McCoy jerkily nodded and then began to dig into the emergency kit for what they needed. There was of course only one sleeping bag and blanket, since this never was planned to be an overnight mission, but McCoy couldn't have cared less. He didn't mind having to cuddle close to Kirk for warmth, since, really, there was only one other person that he would like to huddle this closely with.

On setting the sleeping bag up, they heated the rock up one more time and the both of them then cuddled inside that dreadfully thin bag, under the small blanket. There was no more joking around now. They both knew that their chance of surviving this decreased by the hour, and all they could do was wait. All pretense had been dropped, and they just were cuddled tightly in each other's arms.

Now all McCoy could think about was the unanswered question between them. He shivered, not completely from the blistering cold, but from Kirk suddenly burying his face into his neck. He reached a hand up to stroke the back of Kirk's head softly, breathing in the scent of the other's hair. Would these be the last things they'd ever feel?

"Bones…" Kirk whispered quietly, trying to get even closer to him.

Hearing Kirk's voice so quiet without any swagger caused Bones to suck in a breath that sounded suspiciously like a sob. Even Kirk, who always found a way out of hopeless situations, seemed to be accepting the fact that this was the end.

"I know, Jim…" he finally pushed out, closing his eyes and nuzzling his head against Kirk's.

"I never thought…it'd be like this." Kirk murmured as he shuddered.

McCoy wasn't sure what to say, but he did agree with him. He never thought his last moments would be spent huddled up like this in a freezing god forsaken cave. McCoy just gripped even tighter and he just decided to speak his mind, knowing that there probably wouldn't be another chance, "Jim…you mean s-so much to me…"

Feeling Kirk's hot breath on his neck, the other replied, "And you're t-the best friend I-I could have asked for."

Kirk pulled his head back so that the two of them could meet eyes, and something inside McCoy broke to see the calm look of acceptance that had settled there. This really would be it then, he supposed. He closed his eyes and met lips with Kirk. He didn't say the words, but he knew that Kirk understood.

Their kisses were desperate, yet strangely subdued. Last kisses to be enjoyed with the last bit of feeling that was still in their frozen lips and bodies. They kissed until they just couldn't anymore, the deadly cold of night finally overtaking them. The doctor's body couldn't even shiver any more, and now he knew that it almost was time.

He watched Kirk's eyes close from cold induced sleep, and his eyes teared slightly. Right as he began to succumb to the same, his last thought was that he only wished he could have touched Spock one more time. When his eyes closed, he was just thankful that he couldn't feel much of anything anymore.

* * *


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Warmth...that was the first thing that McCoy sensed as his awareness slowly returned to him. Was this perhaps the afterlife? His eyes cracked open to fix on a white and silver ceiling. A ceiling that looked suspiciously like sickbay on the Enterprise.

Either the afterlife was molded in the image of the sickbay, or he was back on the Enterprise. McCoy finally burst back into consciousness at that observation and sucked in a hurried breath. He quickly realized the warmth he felt was an electric blanket over him, most likely put there to fight off the hypothermia he suffered.

Next, his vision was graced with one of the most beautiful sights he could have hoped for after such a harrowing experience.

"Leonard…" Spock said softly, getting up from the chair he was seated in by his bedside to move just a bit closer.

"Spock." He replied, his voice still rough and weak from the cold.

McCoy glanced over to his left and saw that Jim was safe beside him, but he was still asleep. This caused him to close his eyes again for a second and let out a sigh of relief. Against all odds, they were rescued before freezing to death.

"Spock…" now McCoy's voice was filled with question, "What…how did we…?"

His mind was still a little scrambled from everything, but from the nod that Spock gave him, it seemed as though he understood what he was trying to ask.

"As soon as the Captain communicated your need to be beamed up, we detected a blizzard moving over your area, making beam up impossible until the storm passed. I watched extremely carefully for an opportunity to return you both to the ship, but I grew more worried as time passed, knowing that neither of you were equipped with the proper supplies to survive in subzero temperatures." Spock explained, and McCoy could clearly hear the other's worry in his tone and see it in his eyes.

He realized that you just had to know what to look for to find emotions in the other's face. He supposed it was like reading a book in a different language. Once you learned the language, it becomes easy.

Spock had paused in his explanation to reach out with his two fingers to rub against McCoy's. The doctor then shifted his hand so that their fingers could curl lightly against each other, and then Spock continued with what he was saying, "I was preparing to beam down myself to aid you both in whatever way I could, but suddenly a break in the storm presented itself. Lieutenant Commander Scott beamed you up as quickly as could be managed, and then you both were expediently brought to sickbay to deal with the obvious hypothermia that you both suffered."

McCoy didn't say anything for a long moment, just savoring the other's closeness, finally whispering, "I thought of you, y'know..."

Spock's fingers curled against his a little tighter as he whispered back very meaningfully, "K'diwa t'nash-veh*...I was most concerned for you."

Spock then moved a little closer to him, bending down to place a tender kiss on his forehead. He supposed the half-Vulcan could be excused for this emotionality, due to him thinking that he'd been lost permanently to the cold. McCoy just smiled at the warmth running through him at Spock's tender actions, and neither of them realized that Kirk had slowly begun to stir.

"Bones...Spock." Kirk said roughly, his eyes blinking as they adjusted to the light, and his eyes focused on the image of the two of them still touching their fingers this way.

Bones quickly retracted his fingers, as did Spock, and the Vulcan suddenly stood very stiffly at attention on finding Kirk's eyes on him.

"Sir." he said, giving Kirk an acknowledging nod, his voice sounding distinctively uncomfortable to anyone who knew him well enough to watch out for signs of it.

Kirk blinked at Spock in a mild kind of confusion, his eyes darting between the two of them for a second before he seemed to let whatever he was confused about go for the time being. McCoy knew that it wouldn't be that easy. But, he was thankful that Kirk was too tired to tackle this right then.

He gave Spock a warm smile then and said, "Aren't you a sight for sore eyes."

"I am extremely relieved about yours and the doctor's safe return, Captain." Spock replied, but his eyes seemed to center on McCoy longer than was absolutely necessary.

That made the doctor's cheeks redden slightly, and replied in his standard grumpy tone, "Yeah, no thanks to that storm."

Then Kirk turned his eyes completely on him and his eyes softened a little.

"Hey, Bones." his voice had a kind of fondness in it that caused McCoy to feel incredibly guilty.

"Jim." McCoy said, his face reddening a little more now on his reply.

A little smirk came to Kirk's face as he continued to speak, "Glad to see you lived to hypo me another day."

McCoy rolled his eyes, but he didn't have one sarcastic comment in him since it just was too close a call. He then couldn't help but smile a little at Kirk, just so happy that the two of them were alive.

He then turned to Spock, without completely meeting eyes with him, asking, "So, how long were we out for?"

"Approximately 8.371 hours."

McCoy could see that Spock was also attempting to keep his Vulcan mask in place now that Kirk was awake, and he usually might have thought this was funny, but now all he could do was feel guilt over both Spock and Kirk not truly knowing what was going on with his feelings. He still was slightly in the dark about this himself.

"And you stayed here with us the whole time?" Kirk said in a happy kind of surprise, "You shouldn't have!"

"I am pleased that neither of you suffered any more extreme symptoms of hypothermia." Spock replied, his cheeks getting the slightest bit greener.

"And I'm glad to know that you like us both this much. I'm touched, really." Kirk said, giving Spock a wink.

McCoy could see that definitely made Spock uncomfortable at the way his back straightened a little more and then he replied, "Now that you both have revived, I believe I should return to my duties on the bridge and allow you both to rest. I will visit again later Captain, Doctor."

With that, Spock gave them a nod and made a swift exit. After just sitting for a few silent seconds, Kirk turned to McCoy and said in humor, "So, Bones…were you and Spock touching fingers or something when I came to, or was that just me?"

McCoy felt the guilt again, but he definitely didn't want to deal with that conversation right at this moment, so he stuck to giving his usual roll of eyes to the question, and said sarcastically, "I'm going back to sleep."

With that, he rolled to face away from Kirk and closed his eyes. On hearing Kirk laughing behind him, he decided that these would definitely be a long next few days.

* * *

McCoy was glad that most of the days in sickbay were spent sleeping, and so he wouldn't have to talk to Kirk about what had happened on the planet surface between the two of them. Before he decided exactly how that affected his relationship with the other, he had to talk to Spock, as the two of them already started something before Kirk made his move.

When he had regained much of his strength, and Kirk was still napping, he quickly slipped out of sickbay, pushing to the back of his mind he was pulling something that Kirk probably would. Shaking his head, he refused to agree with Kirk that it was rather boring to just lay around sickbay while he got better.

He knew that Spock should have finished his shift by now, so he decided to go straight there, wanting to get this conversation over with. Not wanting to wait an extra second, he keyed in his medical override of Spock's lock, deciding to jump straight into conversation before Spock had time to get annoyed over his intrusion.

On entering the much warmer than his own room, he looked around and saw that Spock seemed to be in a state of meditation on a mat in the corner of the room, and the scent of incense was obvious in the air. McCoy moved closer to him, now feeling just slightly guilty about barging in like this, but in his mind, he really had no choice in this. He had to let Spock know the truth about everything as quickly as he could.

This way he wouldn't let the guilt that was threatening to eat him up inside succeed. This, and…both Spock and Kirk deserved to know the truth. Suddenly those dark and intense eyes opened and fixed on him as Spock spoke quietly and calmly, seemingly unsurprised to find the doctor unexpectedly in his quarters, "Leonard."

"Uhh, Spock." He said, suddenly feeling rather awkward.

There really was no easy way of starting this conversation. Thankfully for McCoy, Spock decided to do it first. Standing up from this meditation position, Spock slowly approached him and said now with mild concern in his eyes, "Should you have left sickbay so rapidly?"

McCoy was momentarily distracted by that question, putting his hands on his hips and giving Spock a hard look as he grumbled in reply, "I'm the damn CMO. If I think I'm fine, I'm fine!"

Spock then moved closer to him, appearing to pay no attention to the tone McCoy was using with him and the look he gave him, very hesitantly raising his hand toward him with his two fingers held out in a now familiar way, "...I am pleased to see you up and around, Leonard."

McCoy couldn't help be smile slightly when he saw Spock do that, he answered by touching his fingers to Spock's and softly admitted, "I'm not completely back yet, I guess, but you better be expecting a good telling off in a few days!"

Spock seemed to relax slightly as they rubbed their fingers together, and he replied calmly with a bit of amusement in his eyes, "I am already anticipating your tendency to be argumentative."

With Spock trying to open up more to him emotionally, McCoy felt his guilt well up suddenly. He had to tell him the truth, otherwise the situation would just keep getting worse.

Finally, he took back his fingers and took a deep breath, his smile slowly melting off his face as he said, "...Spock...I have something I want to talk to you about."

Spock tilted his head just slightly at him in a curious way and he said, "Yes, Leonard?"

"It's…well, it's about our…uhh, well, whatever we have going on here." McCoy started awkwardly, still unsure of how to classify what they had between them.

This just got him a curiously raised eyebrow from the other, but Spock said nothing, waiting for him to continue. McCoy tried to swallow his guilt and he kept talking.

Letting out an almost pained sigh, he said, "I…I really like what we have between us, but I gotta admit something. I've…had feelings for Jim…for a long time."

Something flashed in Spock's eyes at that, but he still said nothing, so McCoy pushed himself to continue.

"And…on the planet surface…Jim and I…well, something happened between us."

Then the hurt was unmistakable on Spock's face for a split second before a façade of complete Vulcan calm covered it up, "I assume you wish to end the association between us at this time then."

McCoy looked mildly shocked and suddenly spoke, sounding less sure as he kept speaking, "No! I don't…I…I don't know. I just wanted you to know."

"I see." Spock spoke shortly, and McCoy felt the knot of guilt get tighter in his stomach.

"I still want to be with you." He finally said, looking at the ground, hoping that Spock didn't hate him for this, especially since it took them so long to get to this point as it was, "Just…my feelings for Jim won't ever really go away. So, uhh…whatever you want me to do…"

The doctor trailed off, not sure what else to say, since this whole situation was extremely difficult to deal with.

Spock was silent again for a long and tense moment before he replied softly, "I believe I need some time to meditate on this issue."

McCoy was sure that Spock probably wouldn't want to be with him anymore after what he'd told him and was now trying to figure out how to let him down easy. Letting out another defeated sigh, he nodded, "Yeah, I'll just get going."

He couldn't even look at Spock again as he hurriedly left his room. After the mess he'd made of things already, he wouldn't blame Spock for wanting to cut out of this before he'd ended up hurting the other more. His feelings for Kirk were just as real as anything he felt for Spock, and he didn't know what to do.

How could he be in a relationship with one of them when he so clearly felt just as strongly for the other? And Kirk…he didn't even tell him about his involvement with Spock either, but he was certain that he could only handle one talk like this in a day, so he just went back to his own quarters to get into bed there.

Maybe he really was meant to be alone.

* * * 

*K'diwa t'nash-veh = My beloved


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Spock certainly was shocked at the news McCoy gave him about his feelings toward their Captain, but with many hours of meditation, he decided that it made perfect sense. McCoy had told him at one point that Kirk was the first friend he made at Starfleet Academy, and it was obvious that the two of them stayed rather close over their time there.

Perhaps too close for his comfort. His own relationship with the doctor had a rather rocky start, and now McCoy found yet another bombshell to drop on him right when he was starting to get comfortable opening up to the other. It really should not have been such a big shock to learn of McCoy's feelings for Kirk, given their closeness, but this knowledge did not make the information any more palatable.

And McCoy did inform him that he did wish for the two of them to stay together, in spite of the feelings he harbored for James Kirk. Spock knew that the doctor's affections for him were genuine, since he could sense no duplicity of that nature when they touched. What Spock was not certain about was Kirk's intensions toward McCoy.

The doctor had mentioned that something, presumably of a romantic nature, happened between he and the Captain on the surface of Mesarthim Prime. Now Spock just had to deduce Kirk's thoughts on the whole situation and decide if a talk with him on this matter was the optimal solution to the problem. If Kirk was not interested in more than a 'fling,' then Spock certainly would have to make sure he did not continue to pursue this, as McCoy would end up hurt by him again when Kirk decided he was done with the relationship.

Spock of course wanted to stay with McCoy as well, but the doctor's uncertainty had him second guessing his own actions. What he did not know was how strong the doctor's feelings for Kirk were. Obviously strong enough to come clean to him about them and for McCoy to tell him that the feelings were unlikely to fade over time. The statement was far too bold for Spock to have much hope that this situation would find a way to solve itself.

There really would be no other choice. Though he valued his privacy very much, he would have to make clear to Kirk the nature of his relationship with the doctor, and then ascertain the nature of his Captain's interest in McCoy. Only then would he have the necessary information to proceed.

With this decision finally reached, he felt it was fortunate that he had a chess game planned for that very evening at 19:00 hours in Kirk's quarters. Chess would certainly be taking the backburner to the questions he had to ask Kirk that night. No matter the outcome, he had to make the choice that would make McCoy the most happy. Even if that meant that he had to be alone. He'd grown to care a great deal more for McCoy than he'd expected, so it followed that he would put the doctor's happiness first.

He never knew that the simple act of falling in love would end up becoming so painfully uncertain and complicated. It was one thing that his hours of meditation never prepared him for. Go figure.

* * *

On completion of their shifts, Spock got ready to go to Kirk's quarters at the appointed time and to have a potentially life changing conversation with him. He would not admit to feeling nervous, but he supposed it was natural to feel a little unsettled with a conversation of such gravity that would soon take place. 

Not wasting any time, Spock buzzed at Kirk's door exactly at 19:00 hours and waited until the door slid open for him. Kirk quickly invited him to sit down and he saw that the other was thoughtful enough to have a cup of his favorite tea out for him. Every time Kirk did something so kind for him, he felt awkward, given the circumstances of their meeting and initial interactions. If it were not for his elder self urging him to stay in Starfleet, he may not have felt enough motivation to stay.

But now, at this point, he was not sure his relationship with Kirk had quite the same gravity as his elder self's with his Kirk, but he was sure he had made steady steps in the right direction in obtaining the kind of friendship that the elder spoke of. He just hoped that what he had to speak of this evening with Kirk would not destroy the progress that had already been made in their friendship.

Finally looking up and seeing the other regarding him in a curious, but amused way, Kirk said, "You're unusually thoughtful, even for you. Something on your mind?"

Spock almost cleared his throat to dispel his nervousness, but that would be caving to the emotion itself, so he ignored the impulse and just spoke calmly, "I am extremely pleased to see you and Leonard have returned quickly to full health, Capt--Jim."

Spock caught himself that time, making an extra effort to get more familiar with Kirk, as the other had been trying to convince him to call him by his first name, at minimum, when they were not on duty. He now figured it would be best for both of them to be on a first name basis for the kind of conversation he wanted to have with him.

Kirk chuckled lightly at Spock's near slip and he said, "I was glad to wake up at all...Bones and I...we thought that was going to be it for the two of us."

Kirk was silent for a moment, and then he raised a surprised eyebrow at Spock, "Hang on one second. Since when did you start calling him 'Leonard?'"

The sudden question caught him off guard, and internally he admired Kirk's meticulous attention to detail, though it put him in no easier position to reveal the truth about he and the doctor, "I have found that the doctor and I have gotten closer over the last few weeks."

Kirk made a noise of disbelief and said in amusement, "Is that right? I thought that hell would freeze over before the two of you actually made friends. But I'm really glad to hear that."

At this, Spock paused uncomfortably. He simply wasn't sure there was a comfortable segway into the conversation he wanted to have with Kirk, so he figured the only way to tackle this would be to jump straight in.

It seemed that Kirk caught this uncomfortable pause and then asked, "Are you sure nothing's bothering you? I know you well enough now to know when you definitely want to say something, but don't know how."

Spock was mildly startled by Kirk's uncanny insight about him, and he knew that he couldn't hide it anymore, so he said, "I have something of an important nature to relate to you about the doctor and myself."

Kirk's eyebrows scrunched a little in curiosity, and he said, "Okay…?"

Spock broke eye contact with Kirk when he finally started speaking, unable to continue looking into those unusually blue, and at this time, honest eyes, and he said, "Leonard and I…we are engaged in what you would consider to be…a romantic relationship."

At that, Kirk just stared at Spock in complete disbelief for many long and uncomfortable moments for Spock, and he finally said, "What?"

Spock couldn't help but get a sinking feeling at the hurt and surprised look Kirk was now giving him, and he added, "This relationship had begun a few weeks prior to the mission on Mesarthim Prime where, according to Leonard, a romantic event transpired between you both."

Kirk's face then suddenly flushed red as he replied with a quiet kind of anger, "That moment was supposed to be private."

Spock felt slightly guilty at this obvious breach of Kirk's privacy, but he quickly dismissed it, since he had to still find out what Kirk truly felt for McCoy and if it would be best for him to ultimately step aside for the two of them.

What he wanted was irrelevant. He had to do what was best for the doctor, since his need for companionship far out weighed his own. Perhaps, if Kirk's intension was to be in a long lasting relationship with McCoy, it would be best for McCoy to be with someone who could understand his emotions better than him.

Clearing his throat lightly in an attempt to slightly dispel the unease in the air between them, Spock kept talking, "I only know of the moment due to Leonard's deciding that the event and his feelings for you should be known to me, given our new association."

Though Kirk still looked rather hurt and shocked over all of these revelations, he let out a small sigh and said, "Look, if you and Bones are happy, I won't interfere. I just had no idea since neither of you told me anything."

Kirk looked down and away from Spock, and Spock couldn't help but feel his guilt rushing back. This did not seem as a passing sort of fascination on Kirk's part. He seemed as though he really cared for McCoy, but was it at least as much as he, himself, felt?

Suddenly it hit Spock. There was one quick and easy way to get to the bottom of Kirk's intensions toward McCoy, though slightly invasive. But he had no other choice.

"I believe we both hold Leonard in quite high regard, but I will be able to determine if the nature of our feelings for him are the same if you will allow me..." Spock trailed off as he held his hand up in a way he was sure was familiar to him.

Kirk looked at that hand suspiciously and said, "You want to meld with me?"

"If you find it acceptable, yes. It would allow us both to know the extent of our feelings for Leonard." Spock said, raising his hand until it was level with Kirk's face, but not touching the meld points until Kirk gave his permission.

Spock got a little nervous that his suggestion would be refused with how long it was taking him to respond, but, with another sigh, Kirk finally nodded. Spock then placed his fingers at the meld points on Kirk's face with practiced efficiency and began the meld.

Spock couldn't restrain the gasp at how easy it was to delve into Kirk's mind. He didn't encounter any of the usual resistance he usually found on melding with a human mind, since they usually found the whole process to be rather unnatural due to being psi null. But this...Kirk's mind welcomed him, and he felt a strange sensation, as though he was coming home.

_Jim..._ Spock thought to him in surprise, the longer he did this and the deeper he delved, the more positive and now, he had to admit, pleasurable it felt.

_Spock...I never..._ Kirk's thought trailed off, as he was completely overwhelmed by this experience.

As Spock made his way deep into Kirk's mind, he felt the other unconsciously attempting to envelope him within, and he had to put a bit of effort into resisting that pull, still marveling at how unexpectedly welcoming and compatible Kirk's mind was to his. This made him instantly realize that this closeness to Kirk was just as pleasurable as closeness with Leonard, and this discovery was extremely perplexing.

Trying not to get carried away with this finding, Spock attempted to focus himself to the task at hand.

_Jim...please allow me to sense your emotions toward Leonard._ Spock thought, demonstrating to Kirk what he wanted him to do by bringing his thoughts and feelings for McCoy to the forefront of his mind.

When Kirk did so, Spock was barraged by a myriad of feelings, and a surprising few of them were related to lust. They seemed primarily to do with friendship, a familial closeness, and a shockingly deep feeling of love for the doctor. Those emotions startled him because it was clear that Kirk loved McCoy deeply, and the emotions were a close mirror to his own.

Kirk finally chuckled lightly and thought, _I'm really not as big a horndog as you thought I was, am I?_

Spock was not certain of the definition of the slang term Kirk used, but as they were still participating in a deep mind meld, he got an impression of the meaning and then replied with a little shame, _I am sorry for underestimating the depth of your feelings for Leonard._

Spock was mildly surprised to get a sensation of comfort from Kirk's mind as the other thought back, _Don't feel bad, Spock. Its not the first time someone has thought something like that about me. It's not like I've given you any reason to think different._

_Still, I apologize._ Spock insisted, but his guilt was lifted slightly by Kirk' thought to him.

_So I guess we both love him._ Kirk abruptly changed the subject, his thoughts taking a slightly more worried tone.

Spock could tell that Kirk was afraid that even after loving McCoy like he did, he still wouldn't get to be with him. But how could Spock deny McCoy such a loving partner? Kirk may act immature more often than not, but Spock had now seen into the depths of the other's soul, and there was no denying the strong emotions he felt for the doctor.

His emotions were irrelevant if he was not the best choice for McCoy. And, confusing him even more, were these budding emotions for Kirk brought forth through this extremely inviting and stimulating meld he shared with him. A highly compatible mind was extremely valued by a Vulcan always, so this definitely wasn't something Spock could easily ignore.

_I believe it is you who is more deserving of him._ Spock finally thought back, already feeling a sense of loss for McCoy.

_What? Spock, you were already with him before I made my feelings known! There's no reason that you just have to step aside!_ Kirk thought back, his feelings of sadness over the situation coming across as clear as day, despite his best attempts at hiding them.

_But I believe you would be better able to meet his emotional needs than me._ Spock argued, though it was clear that wasn't what he wanted at all.

_That's bullshit, Spock, and you know it._

_There is no satisfactory solution to this conflict that can meet all of our wants and needs. If one of us must give in, I will insist that is me, as I do not want to pain Leonard in this situation._

_But don't you deserve any happiness, Spock? I've already gotten so much...getting to be the captain of the best ship in the 'fleet, having the best crew I could ask for, having friends that I'd trust my life with...you deserve this._ Kirk sent over another feeling of comfort, and, apparently, without realizing it, raised his hand to rest on Spock's cheek.

The light contact sent a shiver straight down his spine, and was amplified significantly by the meld. It stilled his thoughts for the time being and he focused on those fingers on his face. Kirk seemed to sense the effect his touch was having on Spock, especially since it seemed to have a similar effect on him as well.

In what was then obviously a test caress, Kirk moved his fingertips just slightly over Spock's cheek, and this more deliberate action sent a stronger shiver through them both.

_Spock...what...?_ Kirk thought to him, wonderment and surprise in his tone at the sensations running through them as a result of contact.

_We are extremely mentally compatible._ Spock thought back steadily, though he definitely was not unaffected by feelings this caused.

Kirk seemed unable to resist bringing up his other hand to caress the tip of one of Spock's ears as he still caressed his face. Spock couldn't restrain the physical shudder that caused in him as both his mind and a very sensitive area on his body were stimulated simultaneously.

_Jim..._Spock thought to him in a low tone, returning with a very arousing caress with his mind, getting an undeniable kind of pleasure with coming in contact with a mind so compatible and welcome to his own.

It seemed that was enough to cause Kirk to suddenly spring into action and press their lips together in an extremely satisfying and passionate kiss. If Spock's mind was working at that moment, it would have cried out at how illogical this course of action between them was, given what they were trying to talk about before it came to this.

But, at this moment, he couldn't think. He could only take joy in the sensation that the pressing of their lips caused. Kirk's hands were then in his hair and on his chest and his mind slid delightfully against his own. If only the connection could go deeper…if only they could bond…

With a startled gasp, Spock quickly yanked his hand back to abruptly end the meld between them and he grabbed Kirk's arms and held him away from himself. This was illogical insanity that was certainly bringing them no closer to a solution in their problem. In fact, there were now unnecessary complications added.

When Spock trusted himself to speak calmly again, he gave Kirk an almost apologetic look, "Jim…we cannot do this."

Finally, Kirk let out a long sigh and then settled back in his own chair when Spock released him and he nodded, "Yeah, I guess you're right."

After sitting silently for a moment, Kirk shook his head slightly in disbelief and said, "What…just happened?"

"It was certainly unexpected to find this degree of compatibility between us." Spock said calmly, but he refused to meet Kirk's eyes, still feeling extremely confused and embarrassed at his loss of control.

"Unexpected was an understatement." Kirk said with a sheepish, yet knowing chuckle, obviously still trying to digest what just happened between them.

Spock was silent for another moment, carefully making sure that his heart rate and breathing rate were brought back within normal parameters before he thought more on the events that just transpired. It was a proven fact that Kirk was one of the only people that wreaked havoc on his control consistently.

Kirk finally spoke again as Spock collected himself, his tone slightly awed, "That was unlike anything I've ever felt in my life."

"It is rare to find such an open mind in a human." Spock finally replied, sure that he was now back in control and his logic was firmly back in place.

"I've…always known that we've gotten along, but I never thought it would feel so good to…" Kirk's face reddened and he trailed off, but Spock knew what he was implying.

"I believed that the emotions induced by Leonard were unique to the experiences I shared with him. Apparently I was mistaken." Spock admitted, the tips of his ears going green, not liking the fact of how confused this development with Kirk now left him.

He was no longer sure exactly what to do in this situation anymore. He wanted to be with McCoy, but it was obvious that Kirk wanted him just as much as he did. Loved him just as much, and perhaps understood his emotions on a level he never could? But the siren call from Kirk's mind to his wasn't something that was easily ignored. He never expected to find a connection of this level with his Captain, and to find it at this point in time complicated the decision he had to make.

It was nearly unheard of for a Vulcan to find such a mind in a human, and his fingers were practically twitching to meld with Kirk again, no matter how illogical it all was. He could not ignore how pleasing it felt to touch Leonard as well, though he had not tried melding with him yet. It made Spock's heart ache to think that there still was the possibility that the doctor may not be as mentally compatible as Kirk was to him.

He was caught in a conundrum that could not be solved satisfactorily with logic, and this was the last kind of problem that he wanted to find himself in. No matter what decision he made, either Kirk or McCoy would be suffering hurt feelings. He could not make a decision on his next course of action without a period of rest and meditation.

With this in mind, he finally stood from the chair and gave Kirk as even a look as he could manage, "I must meditate on this urgently."

Kirk seemed reluctant to let him go just like this, but he finally just sighed one more time, stood up as well, and said, "All right...I guess I'll see you tomorrow on the bridge."

Spock nodded and quickly vacated the room before his already poor control was put under further strain. As much as he didn't want to admit it, his mind was now in shambles. He wasn't sure what to do with the fact of the surprising compatibility he found with Kirk in comparison to the very pleasurable companionship he'd found with McCoy.

Stepping finally into his own quarters, he hoped the calmness induced by the meditation would enable him to digest the new information, and then hopefully use the insight gained to come to a final and most logical conclusion, no matter what pain could result to him in consequence.


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Kirk watched Spock hastily leave the room, and then he took a seat back in the chair he was sitting in, letting out a low whistle as he began to reflect on the events of the past hour. He thought he was always somewhat of a mess emotionally, and this problem definitely wasn't helping matters.

Kirk knew that he was in love with McCoy for a long time, since he'd been the only one to provide him with unwavering friendship and support in his special crabby way the entire time he'd known him, but he just never said anything during their days at the Academy since he didn't want to mess up their friendship.

Hence, the girls and the drinking and the general disregard of authority. He needed a constant distraction from the conclusion he'd inevitably drawn about his feelings toward the doctor. He was sure that McCoy wouldn't want to be with someone like him anyway, after what he'd gone through in his divorce. He supposed he couldn't blame McCoy in that, since that ex-wife really did seem like a bitch.

But, finding out what he did, about McCoy wanting him, and yet being in a relationship already with Spock blew him away. Especially with what just happened between the two of them. It was an understatement to say this all made him very confused. He'd always felt close to Spock, but the connection he felt with him during the meld blew him away.

He never felt so close to another individual in his life. He almost felt like he was falling right into Spock and then mixing so closely that he could hardly make himself out again. And before Spock pulled out of the meld, he could feel that the other wanted more, and truthfully, he did too.

Now what did this all mean in the context of their relationship? He thought they were just friends, but this meld and their knowledge of loving the same man in addition to all of this severely confused him. And now that he'd found that he wanted both his best friend and his First Officer turned other best friend, he didn't even know how he could begin to choose.

Spock even told him that Bones warned him that his feelings for himself wouldn't go away. Kirk made a noise in frustration, getting up from the chair he was sitting in and beginning to pace around the room as he thought.

Why would Bones do that if he were already dating Spock? He must have really thought it then. And really...how was it fair for him to put his friend through this when he had already been through so much hell with that bitch of an ex wife? As much as he also wished for having that one person that could be the most important in his life, this sort of choice between his friends was impossible.

He couldn't make this decision, not right at that moment. Not when the gravity of the decision overwhelmed him so. Not when he was making so little sense even to himself. He would sleep on this and hope his dreams offered him a solution where his rational mind was failing. Perhaps he'd finally encountered his first true no win scenario.

McCoy now wasn't sure if telling Spock of his feelings for Jim was a smart thing to do, but he did know that it wouldn't be fair to the other if he didn't know. This wasn't even considering the fact that the object of his at least two year "crush" apparently returned his feelings, of course after the fact of his relationship with Spock.

Life always seemed to play cruel jokes on him, it seemed, but this had to be the worst. Making him have to choose between his friends, both of which had the potential to be passionate lovers, and probably be excellent partners.

It was true that both Kirk and Spock each had their own special ways of getting on his nerves at times, but he really couldn't imagine his life without either of them in it. But he knew, whatever choice he made, he would more than likely lose the other friend. After working so hard to gain and keep these friendships, especially with Spock, he didn't know how to make this choice.

So did he then expect to leave Spock to make the decision instead? He wasn't sure about that. Even if that would make things easier for himself, how could he ask the Vulcan to make the impossible choice he couldn't bear to? But, then again, maybe being Vulcan in this situation could prove to be an advantage, providing clear rationality where human logic failed them.

His thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a buzz at his door. On finding out that it was Spock, he hurriedly opened it and braced for the worst. When the door slid shut, McCoy gave Spock a stiff acknowledging nod and said, "Spock."

He held his breath unconsciously as he waited for something hurtful to come out of Spock's mouth, but the other's words ended up shocking him.

"Leonard, we must meld."

McCoy could just look dumbly at him as he tried to comprehend what was happening, since he was certain that a Vulcan that was breaking up with someone wouldn't ask them to meld.

Spock showed no obvious outward indication of discomfort in his tone or body stance, but the key to him was his eyes. The other's eyes told him that Spock was concerned that he would refuse, but he decided to put that to rest with a quick nod, noting with interest the way the other's eyes seemed to soften just slightly at his approval.

The idea of melding did creep him out a little bit, since he wouldn't usually take kindly to someone getting in his head and rifling in his thoughts, but this was Spock, and he knew he had to trust him. If a meld was deemed necessary by Spock, he would go along with it, especially since he didn't want the other to leave him.

He felt even more nervous when Spock drew close to him and lined his fingers up to the meld points on McCoy's face. Pushing those feelings down, he prepared for the other to enter his mind. He saw Spock close his eyes and have a very concentrating expression as he felt an odd sort of prodding in his head.

Though the prodding was very gentle, it steadily got more insistent, and finally, McCoy realized that it was Spock trying to get into his mind.

_Leonard…please relax._ Resounded Spock's calm voice in his mind, and that disconcerted him, but, he let out a breath and hesitantly opened his mind to the other a little more.

He closed his eyes and was surprised to see an image of Spock in his head. Maybe this was his way of making it easier for him to comprehend, so with an image of himself, he walked closer and reached out to touch the other, wanting so badly to be close to him, but feeling like maybe he didn't have the right anymore.

Spock reached for the hand that he'd extended to him and McCoy felt a small, but pleasant, shiver when their fingers touched. McCoy squeezed their joined hands, and he thought in uncertainty, _I don't know what else to do._

Spock moved even closer to him, reaching out to touch his face and a surprisingly tender look was in his eyes as he replied, _All I ask for is your trust. I will not take anything that is not freely given, and I will leave the moment you wish to end the meld._

McCoy melted under the other's touch, and with a small sigh, he finally and completely gave into the meld. He gasped. Dear god, he'd never felt this kind of affection and intensity of emotion in his life, and he was even more flabbergasted to think he'd once enjoyed ribbing the Vulcan about not feeling. Never again would those words from his mouth carry a shred of sincerity after feeling this.

In absolute shock, he thought, _You still love me? Even after what I told you about how I feel for Jim?_

_I am uncertain as to how my emotions toward you would be mitigated by to your feelings toward another._ Spock thought back logically, though now that they were in a meld, it was impossible for Spock to hide the very distinct bristle that accompanied his comment.

_I do love you too. Way more than I thought would ever be possible._ McCoy then thought in apology, hesitantly offering his feelings to the other with a gentle push.

They were gratefully accepted by Spock and returned to him was unmistakable warmth. McCoy sighed and finally thought again, _Spock, this is amazing. I never thought a meld could feel so good. I always thought they'd feel invasive and maybe even unpleasant. Never like this._

_I was surprised to find a similar sensation during a meld with Jim._ Spock admitted, his image then stroking McCoy's face, and the doctor couldn't keep in his surprise, especially in the meld.

_You've melded with Jim?_

_Just this previous night. I wished to see if his intensions toward you matched my own. With your strong feelings for him, I felt it would be best if I knew he did not consider you one of his conquests, such as with many females of your species. I was most surprised at the amount of compatibility I found between myself and him._

_Wait, you're telling me that what you felt with him…felt like this?_ McCoy wasn't sure how to feel knowing that.

Maybe he was supposed to feel jealous, but in a way, he felt relieved. If Spock felt it too, the other would understand what he was feeling. It was nice to know that Spock loved him just the same, but there were still his feelings for Jim to be dealt with.

_It felt distinctly Jim…though the strength of his emotions were no less than yours are. You and he are both very passionate humans, though he is far more outwardly expressive with his thoughts and emotions. His love for you is no less than mine._ Spock thought calmly, wrapping McCoy just a little tighter with warmth from his mind.

For a long moment, Spock didn't think anything, and this left McCoy feeling a little more nervous, when Spock finally added, _Though, I must admit something._

_What?_ His curiosity came across clearly.

_Jim and I…shared some physical affection during our meld as well. I regret to say that I was unable to resist the urge._ Some shame from Spock came across their meld at this mention of the loss of control, and McCoy's eyebrows shot up in shock.

_You and Jim…? _He knew the answer though, since the memory was at the forefront of Spock's mind now on mentioning it to him.

_Yes. His mind welcomed mine unlike any other human mind I had melded with in the past, and the pull was irresistible. I found him to be irresistible. _Spock freely admitted, knowing that he could hide nothing from McCoy in the meld, though his shame at being so affected by his emotions was obvious.

That was something that McCoy couldn't stand for, so he thought back, _Oh, stop it Spock. I understand…better than most people._

He chuckled at how ironic this situation was turning out to be, realizing that this situation had suddenly turned far more complicated than he'd ever expected.

_What do you think we should do, Spock? This situation is impossible...I don't think I could make a choice here with good conscience._ McCoy thought sadly, realizing that Spock was in much the same position he was on his meld with Kirk.

_We must be willing to consider other alternatives, as a choice of one or the other would yield less than positive results. _Spock thought, and McCoy could literally feel the wheels turning in the other's head.

_And just what would such an alternative be?_ McCoy asked suspiciously, sure he had an inkling, but not wanting to believe it was what Spock had in mind.

_We must have Jim join us. I feel this may allow us to come to the correct decision regarding this matter._

Then with one last warm caress from Spock, the other slowly left his mind, and McCoy felt a strange emptiness when he'd gone. Without thinking on this much, he activated his desk comm to contact Kirk directly in his room, saying, "Jim, could you come to my quarters? Spock and I need to talk to you."

Kirk paused in obvious surprise before replying in a careful tone, "Yeah, I'll be right there."

The two of them sat silently as they waited for Kirk to come and McCoy admitted to feeling nervous. Finally, Kirk arrived, and he was sans his usual playful smirk and cocky attitude. It seemed to McCoy that he felt just as confused and conflicted as all of them. This bothered him slightly, since it was usually Kirk that was the man with the plan and the confidence to go through with whatever decision he came to, but how could he expect his friend to be happy or sure in a situation where a pair of friends might be broken up as a result of the decision that would get made?

"Bones." Kirk finally spoke as he moved closer to both of them, "Look, I think all of us have to talk."

McCoy and Spock nodded at him, and the doctor was curious at what he had to say about all of this. He wondered if his brilliant, even slightly crazy, friend had found a solution where he and Spock failed.

McCoy saw Kirk fidget just slightly when they both turned their attention to him, and Kirk said, "I really had no idea about you two, otherwise I wouldn't have made a move. I'm sorry, Bones…I really am."

Kirk looked down, and McCoy felt a little twinge. Was Kirk really just giving up that easily? But really, what was he expecting his friend to say or do? He and Spock had agreed to try being in a relationship before Kirk indicated his feelings. Before he had much time to think on how awkward this situation was now likely going to get between them, Spock spoke up.

"Jim. There is no use in feeling guilt over your actions when you were not fully informed of Leonard's and my status."

"But, Spock…I'm obviously messing up something good between you two." Kirk said, and McCoy could clearly see the hurt that flashed in his eyes as he spoke, "Not like I do relationships all that well anyway."

When Kirk said that, McCoy suddenly became aware of how this would hurt Kirk. Sure, the guy liked to act like a Casanova, but between the two of them, he knew it was different…something much more deep and meaningful. And what of the weird connection Spock insisted he felt with Kirk as well? This situation was so complicated, McCoy couldn't really wrap his mind around it.

The doctor then saw a slight furrow of worry materialize on Spock's brow, and the Vulcan then said, "Nothing in the meld we shared suggested such a thing."

At that, Kirk just chuckled dryly and said, "I'm sorry all this happened. I won't interfere with you two, so…"

McCoy knew his friend well, and he could easily call out the self sacrifice for what it was. The doctor made a noise of frustration as Kirk began to make as if he was going to leave, but he was surprised when Spock reached out for his arm to stop him.

"Jim, do not leave. We both want you here." Spock said to him with a nod, not even letting go of where he gripped his arm when Kirk stopped trying to leave.

McCoy figured the other stopped in his tracks since the unexpected touch from the Vulcan sent a shiver down his spine, since that's always what happened to him when Spock touched him. He just watched the two of them in rapt attention, now curious as to what Spock had to say.

Kirk then shook his head and finally replied, "Spock…both of you deserve this. And I definitely am not going to make either of you choose."

Spock did let the words sway him as he replied, "What if neither Leonard nor I had to make a choice?"

Kirk just looked at Spock in confusion as McCoy's eyes widened in shock. The pointy eared bastard couldn't possibly be suggesting what he thought he was. Sure, earlier, he thought Spock had suggested something of the sort to him, but he was sure he misunderstood.

Kirk's eyebrows scrunched together in thought as he replied, "Just what are you getting at, Spock? If neither of you made a choice, then we would be..."

Kirk trailed off and his mouth dropped open as he finally understood.

Shaking his head one more time, "No way, you can't possibly be serious! This solution has to be as far from logical as possible!"

Spock appeared unfazed, replying in a soft tone, "It would be illogical of me to ignore the high amount of compatibility I found with each of you in the melds we shared."

Kirk ran a hand through his hair with disbelief written all over his face, "So just what are you suggesting here? If the three of us were just deciding to mess around, I'd have no problem with that. But it looks like you want something more than sex out of this, and I'm just not sure how that'd work out."

McCoy had to say that he agreed with Kirk's sentiments on this one. Just how would a relationship between the three of them work anyway? With the hand that Spock still had Kirk's arm, he led him back toward where McCoy was standing as he said, "I am only attempting to find a satisfactory solution to this situation between all of us. It would be against reason to knowingly exclude one person when the compatibility and desire between us all is so great."

Finally, McCoy spoke up, "Spock, I know you don't want any of us getting hurt, but I really don't see any other way around it."

Now Spock shook his head and said, "There is a way."

The Vulcan then moved closer to both Kirk and McCoy and raised both his hands up to their faces. It was obvious to both of them what he intended to do, and though the two of them weren't sure what Spock that would accomplish, they both nodded to let him get on with it, since McCoy was sure otherwise, they would just keep talking themselves into circles.

The doctor wasn't sure he'd ever get used to these melds, especially with the way he felt like he was being sucked in every time Spock did this, but he couldn't say it felt bad. This time though, it felt very different. He didn't only feel Spock, but another presence. As he reached toward it with his mind, he materialized himself in this meld with an image of himself. When he touched it, he shivered.

Jim…it felt like Jim. The other two finally followed suit with creating images of themselves so that they could interact in a normal way, and then McCoy thought, _I didn't know three people could meld together like this._

Spock answered calmly, _It is not a commonly followed practice, as melding is considered to be quite an intimate connection to another being._

Kirk then smiled at McCoy and thought, _This feels…pretty nice._

He reached out to touch the doctor's face, and this contact caused a far more powerful reaction in both of them than the physical touch would have, and it caused McCoy to softly gasp in their mind, _Wow…will it always feel this good to touch in a meld?_

_Yes, _Spock answered again, _As you know, it is the mind that controls all sensation, including pleasure. Since, in essence, it is our minds touching in melds, it would follow that the sensation felt would be far more intense._

Spock then reached out to touch them both of their chests, and the feeling seemed to ripple through all of them.

_God…this is great…_Kirk sighed softly, then also reaching out to touch Spock's face, sending another ripple through them.

_We may always have this if I bond us together, _Spock thought to them as he leaned into Kirk's touch and moved even closer to both of them.

_How could it be that easy, Spock? Nothing is. _McCoy thought, shaking his head even as the pleasant feelings coursed through him.

He knew a thing about something seeming like a good idea at the time, but then blowing up in your face in the worst way later. He did that once, he wasn't so anxious to put his heart in a blender again, especially when the outcome was even more uncertain than usual.

_It is true that none of us have experience with this kind of an arrangement, but I am certain that the outcome will be positive if we are honest with each other with our intentions and desires._ Spock replied when he sensed McCoy's reluctance.

McCoy still wasn't sure about any of this. He also couldn't believe the fact that the other was suggesting some kind of threeway relationship should happen between them. He'd never even considered something like this in his life, but right this second it was sounding pretty reasonable with how good it felt to have them all touching in such an intimate way and to really feel wanted in a way he'd never experienced before.

But he was never one to jump in blind into anything...at least he wasn't any more. Karen had already done quite a number on him with their failed marriage and nasty divorce and his fears of rejection made it incredibly difficult to trust to this degree. How could he possibly recover if this went badly? He'd lose the best friend he'd had in a long time in addition to a man he never thought he'd have as a friend, let alone a lover. That would just be a devastating loss, and he almost didn't want to take the risk on this with what it was possible for him to lose.

Kirk sensed McCoy's extreme reluctance, and he leaned in to kiss him softly on the lips, which scrambled the doctor's brain for a moment with its unexpected intensity, and then he thought, _Bones, I think we should try…why give up when there's an actual chance for happiness in this solution? This risk is worth it._

_And I would find both of your presences in my mind to be enjoyable._ Spock added, tracing his hand lightly down McCoy's chest to make him shiver.

_But, can we make this work, Spock? Is it really possible with three people?_ McCoy asked, still reluctant to let go and let them all in.

_I believe so, yes. _Spock said, then reaching a hand out to give him a Vulcan kiss, which felt just as nice as Kirk's kiss.

McCoy easily met it, and he shut his eyes, still not used to the strength of contact in the meld. This, he decided now, was something he definitely could get used to. But forever? That was something he'd lost faith in, thanks to his first failed marriage. He couldn't fault Kirk or Spock for what happened there, but was their relationship doomed to the same fate as his marriage was?

He knew that he wasn't always the most pleasant person to be around, but Kirk and Spock seemed to stick with him up to now. When he opened his eyes, he met Kirk's and then Spock's, before he thought_…Always?_

Kirk's lips then turned upward slightly as he thought, _You'll just have to think of me as a particularly stubborn case of Andorian Shingles._

Though Spock's face didn't show it, he seemed amused at Kirk's comment, and he thought, _Though I would prefer for you not to liken me to a contagious disease, my devotion to you is no less._

McCoy finally gave in, and pulled both of them into a kind of group hug, unable to resist them any longer. He still had fears for the future, but he decided to trust his heart to both of them, for better or for worse. He was sure there was no better solution to their problem than this, and this way, he'd never feel unloved with the both of them there to support him.

_Alright, let's try this._ He thought, giving both of them a squeeze.

After holding the hug for a long moment, Spock finally thought, _If I may…I can bond us together, so there would be no doubt of mine or Jim's intentions._

_You said we'll feel like this all the time that way? _McCoy thought in interest as he rolled it over in his mind.

_The bonding without a meld would not be as intense, but we will still be able to exchange thoughts._ Spock replied, running a hand softly over McCoy's arm as he thought it over.

_Come on, Bones…why shouldn't we do this? Wouldn't we always want to feel this awesome together? _Kirk thought playfully, raising an eyebrow at him.

McCoy shook his head at Kirk and then he nodded, _Okay, Spock. Do it. Bond us._

Spock then held out both of his hands to them in the form of a Vulcan kiss and waited. When the both of them copied the movements, he thought, _I will now join our souls as one._

Spock then curled his fingers tightly around theirs and closed his eyes. That's when the really intense feelings started, startling McCoy a little bit. Spock sensed this and thought, _Relax yourself...please just come to us._

He tried his best to do so as he felt Spock intertwining their minds closer and closer, tighter and tighter. McCoy was sure he'd almost lost consciousness at the intensity when it was done. Spock didn't even have to tell him so, he could feel it.

He touched his own chest, where his heart would be if this was not just a mental representation of themselves, feeling both Kirk and Spock there. Feeling whole for the first time.

McCoy felt something move inside of him as Kirk swept the two of them back into another embrace, thinking, _I love you both._

_I love you both, too._ McCoy added, squeezing them back in the hug.

At this, when the three of them pulled back from the in mind embrace, Spock believed they should share a real one as well, which he quickly initiated on breaking their meld. McCoy could now see that the sensation of touching wasn't nearly as intense, but he could still feel the pleasant hums if Kirk and Spock's thoughts in the back of his mind.

McCoy was sure he'd never experienced something like this in his life, and knew he wasn't likely to again. He wasn't worried. He finally made his choice. And this time, it was for keeps.


End file.
